Well, here I go. I’ve spent half of 2016 debating. Debating about a lot of things, but mainly ULTRAGOLDENLOVE. Here’s why: I am definitely not FEARLESS…yet.
Confession, no one knows about this blog.
With the exception of a couple of random friends who’ve found this blog through my Twitter or a ‘Contacts’ search, my audience = strangers. To be honest, I’ve owned this domain since 2014. I’ve recreated it once or twice. And honestly, in the beginning, I was weirded out by not telling anyone, but I was also very calm and relaxed knowing that I didn’t have to worry about failure. Here’s what I mean by that, I really wasn’t expecting this blog to go anywhere. I wasn’t expecting to have people religiously checking this site out everyday, I wasn’t planning on having many followers on Instagram, I didn’t think that I was that exciting (and trust me, I know having 2K followers on any social media platform doesn’t mean anything these days).
I just really wasn’t expecting anything to come from this, and not having my friends and family watching made it a little easier for me. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and family are the greatest/nonjudgemental people on the planet…it’s me. I didn’t want to have to explain myself if during MONTH #1 I decided to deactivate everything and act like it never existed. If I failed, no one had to know. If I sucked and made a ton of mistakes, which I did, no one had to witness it. Basically, I was worried about failure. It was a trial and error period with an expiration date…NOW. 2016 is basically over and I have decided that this blog means more to me than posting a photo on Instagram for likes, I actually enjoy spending time writing and developing posts, getting messages about the content I share, etc.
After about 6 months of real blogging (and a lot of soul searching…dead serious) I’ve decided to share this blog with everyone. Family, friends, acquaintances, whoever. Am I scared? Yes. Am I fearless? Not yet, but I’m working on it. The main reason I’m even writing this post is because I started reading a book called “On Becoming Fearless” by Arianna Huffington. Needless to say, she kind of kicks your ass in the nicest way. She talks about the “free woman” and the “neurotic woman.” I am meant to be the free woman, I just keep waiting to be that person. So instead, by default, I am the neurotic woman…waiting for my life to start, waiting to share things, deciding whether now is a good time to share what I think is creative. How exhausting right? Too much stress for a little blog like this one. I’ve said it before though, my life is simple, my mind is COMPLICATED, and my heart is pure.
I’ve decided to let my heart win this battle and just share everything. Mainly because I am sick of being unsure about whether what I am doing is good enough. It’s good enough for me and I think that’s about as good as it’s going to get. Hopefully, in time, more people will learn to think it’s good too. 🙂
To live in fear is the worst form of insult to our true selves. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be, and the easier our journey will become.